Body, shame, and the first-generation experience

Many first-generation South Asian women grew up in households where bodies were not discussed. Periods were whispered, puberty was handled with a cloth and silence, and fertility was something that was supposed to just happen when a woman got married.

This silence was not cruelty. It was what was passed down, often from women who had also received it in silence. But it left a generation without language for its own body, and often with an inherited sense of shame attached to its normal functions.

Delayed presentation. Difficulty describing symptoms accurately to a doctor. Reluctance to have internal examinations. Avoidance of sexual health screening. Shame around infertility, as though it reflects on the woman herself.

None of this is rare. And none of it is your fault. Naming it is the beginning of changing your relationship with it.

Requesting a female clinician is allowed, for smears, for scans, for fertility consults. Bringing a trusted friend rather than a family member can make it easier to speak. Writing down symptoms beforehand, in English or your own language, means you do not have to find the words in the room.

You are not a bad Indian, Pakistani, Bangladeshi, or Sri Lankan woman for asking these questions. You are a woman who has chosen to take her body seriously. That is itself an inheritance worth passing on.